Yesterday, I made one of the sillest, most airheaded mistakes I’ve ever made – and paid dearly in cash for it (note: it’s nothing serious or scandalous or life-altering; it’s honestly too embarrassingingly trivial to publish on these interwebs). My Dad’s response?: “Stuff happens. You made a mistake. Stop worrying. Don’t let it ruin your night.” I felt horrible – I’m the type-A that dreads trouble of any kind. I was punishing myself enough through my own thoughts (so much for my New Year’s Resolution to not be hard on myself right?). I love my parents’ ability to forgive and love and know what I needed to hear. I needed comfort in my shame.
Reflecting on that fact this morning, I felt this indescribable welling-up of anticipatory joy.
Joy? Why joy?
Because I can’t wait for my turn to live out my parents’ same comfort and generosity for others.
I call these my grown-up dreams.
My “grown-up dreams” sound nothing like my high school dreams.
In high school, I dreamed of a 4.0 GPA, friends who thought I was cool and a boy who loved me. These days, my dreams start from when I will no longer be a student. When I’m married, employed and paying a mortgage, I pray I learn to live out:
& – Hospitality (graciously, consistently, regularly opening my home to friends – new/old, work/church, etc – making food, making coffee, chatting for periods not bound by time)
& – Generosity (a life not driven by money; I dream of being the person that gives to others with little thought for myself or for the consequences; I dream of being someone who gives lavishly but never feels the absence of one single dollar).
I think I dream of these qualities in particular, because I see too many adults with the nicest homes and best jobs whose lives are consumed with busyness, so centered on themselves. They’re the people who have the means to, but who forget to give and to love. I want the opposite of that. I hope my future – if it does consist of “busyness,” – is full of busyness for others.
Yes of course, I want a career as a speech-pathologist.
Yes, I long to be a mother & wife.
Yes, I plan to travel adventurously – and attend as many Carolina games as possible.
But what I crave to be true about my “grown-up life?”
Hospitality & Generosity.
Guess I better start with my heart today?
(because we all know it’s not quite there yet).