What It Means When Your Eyes Leak

…which is really the only way I can describe what happened today.

note: I apologize in advance, it’s been a while since I’ve blogged: hold tight and I’ll get to the updates.

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I’ve been attending practicum this semester with CASTLE at the CCCDP (the Carolina Children’s Communicative Disorders Program). It’s a division of UNC Hospitals that provides rehabilitative services (in the form of speech-pathologists and audiologists) to children with hearing loss.

I absolutely love it.

This week has been crazy, however. It’s my second week working here and while my supervisors have been wonderful teachers they have also been preparing for Carolina Summer Institute (CSI) – a program CASTLE puts on to train professionals who work in pediatric hearing loss to serve children and their parents. Two of the attendees cancelled at the last minute so I and another intern got to be participants in this training program that costs around $300-500.

Nothing short of amazing.

A few steps in the direction of becoming LSLS-Certified (a post-graduation goal of mine)

Only participating in the institute your second week is overwhelming. The week-long program requires participants plan 4 1-hour therapy sessions for kiddos with hearing loss. The participants do the therapy (with the real, actual, in-person kiddos), they are observed and then critiqued by CASTLE supervisors (note: ya’ll it’s amazing to see my teachers teaching other PROFESSIONALS. I’m in awe. These are the people that I want to be when I ‘grow up into my career’).

So perhaps my “leaky eyes” during a lesson plan critique today can be attributed to my desire to please. It’s closely related to my high-achiever tendency. I’d planned 4 activities which I thought were absolutely stellar; I had incorporated 3-4 additional goals than what I had been asked. I was getting a little frustrated trying to make sure it all flowed together when my supervisor – she could tell I was overwhelmed – stopped me: “Shannon. We’ve already talked about this. Stop incorporating all those elements. Concentrate on one thing.”

And then, my eyes leaked. Very slowly.
I felt weak. And, yes, powerless to control those little organs.
And, I felt embarrassed.

SHE IS A PROFESSIONAL I WANT TO WORK ALONGSIDE SOMEDAY! HOW CAN I SHAME MYSELF WITH TEARS?

But, I now realize it is also a signal that these past two I’ve been making myself run in overdrive. I’ve been:

unpacking everything in my new apartment all by myself
– Bryan gone to Arizona for two weeks
– acclimating to a 9 to 5 schedule
– living without internet in my new apartment
– making wedding detail decisions – many of which I try not to roll my eyes about – I mean, table linens? C’mon! (TWO MONTHS TO GO!)
– trying to exercise/eat healthfully
– learning brand-new interesting/fascinating/practical facts about hearing loss, learning a new approach to therapy (parent-centered) and a hierarchy of targets to consider (from Ling 6 to the Auditory Learning Guide).

I think I am overwhelmed.

I know life is full of (and moving toward) all my favorite things (getting married, living in Chapel Hill, learning more about pediatric hearing loss, enjoying summertime), but I think I need to be gentle with myself. I need to rest in prayer and higher truths beyond the little hamster wheel in which I so often get caught.

So, that’s my little update.

I’m taking tonight to drink some coffee, watch this incredible storm outside, and read my Bible.

LOVE TO ALL.

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One thought on “What It Means When Your Eyes Leak

  1. My Dear Precious Shannon…Your “surrogate-Gramma” and friend has read this blog and I am blown away at the things in which you are presently involved. I am amazed at your schedule, and yet, I see this young woman with her act together beautifully.!! In my Sarah Young Devotional, I read this
    this morning..”You are my beloved child. I chose you before the foundation
    of the world,to walk with me along paths designed uniquely for you….Your main focus should be staying close to me. I set the pace in keeping with your needs and My purposes.” Love you dearly! I WILL MAIL your copy this week.

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