“Let us not love
in word or talk
in deed and in truth.”
– 1 John 3:18
I’ve been wanting to write – just to let you all know I am alive – for a while now. But I couldn’t think how to begin.
When I last wrote, 2014 was bright with the glow of newness and a fresh start. I was expectant and excited about growing. Alas, as many might have predicted, that ‘sunshiney glow’ does not last long. January, while also being cold and dreary, has been a somewhat crazy month for Bryan in school and as I’m quickly learning, marriage doesn’t affect spouses in isolation. I have felt some of the side effects of stress, and have ‘failed’ in achieving some of the goals I thought would be simple.
Here are a few things I’ve learned from “failure” these past 3 weeks:
– Time cannot be ‘assumed’ – it must be made. This is particularly true with things I often let be optional – like daily prayer and exercise.
– I’ve become a social runner – and that’s not necessarily a good thing. I told Bryan that I’ve changed my resolution from ‘running’ to ‘be brave enough to run solo.’ I’m fortunate enough to have Emily has a loyal running buddy, but running together is not always realistic – or regular – but I let myself make excuses when she’s busy.
– Flossing is hard because it prevents multitasking. The difficulty with flossing is that it requires the use of both your hands and your mouth. So, unless you are watching television (which is a rarity), you cannot multi-task while flossing – you can’t even talk. As someone who is obsessed with multitasking everything (coffee + writing, cleaning dishes + listening to music, journaling + practicing handwriting), flossing is hard on me. So I’m working on remembering to floss when Bryan and I watch How I Met Your Mother.
– Investing in the church reveals self-doubt. Sort of. Not really – the truth is that becoming more involved in the church requires vulnerability and social closeness (social closeness is still something I have to ease into like a really warm jacuzzi). I let myself get intimidated by all the hypothetical thoughts (what if I don’t know my Bible well enough? What if no one likes me? etc.).
I’ve also developed some new obsessions:
– Reading Chairs//One-Person Couches. I think our apartment needs a plush, cozy addition. The problem is they’re all out of our price range. Here’s one of my favorites (westelm.com/products/elton-chair-s217/)
– A New Brownie Recipe (10 tbs butter, 1/2 c. sugar, 1/2 c. flour, 1/2 c. cocoa powder and some salt; 325′ for 25 minutes. OH MY GOODNESS).
– Calligraphy. But mostly “fake calligraphy” because I tried the real stuff before and it’s hard!
– Thinking about Washington DC. I’m starting a bucket list for this summer when B’s up there working.
I’ll leave you with a last little story.
On Sunday, I felt distinctly like newlywed Meg (of Little Women). Remember the scene where she confesses her terrible secret – that she purchased an absurd amount of silk fabric on a whim – to her husband? One of my favorites. John is angry but quietly and humbly and respectfully so. I loved the scene in part because it all sounded so ridiculous – who would ever spend $50 – in the 1800s – without consulting their husband?
Apparently, not so absurd.
So. You know how I said I’ve been obsessed with finding the perfect reading chair? Spur of the moment at HomeGoods, I purchased a $120 settee and a new nightstand and bathroom cabinet. I didn’t text or call or ask. Bryan had the same reaction as John Brooke: quietly disappointed (and oh, how much more frustrating it is to deal with that than flat-out anger!). We ended up taking the settee back because, like all impulse purchases, it was a distinctly poor match for our bedroom. However, the bathroom cabinet is a vast improvement to the plastic set of drawers we’d been using.