On a Few Things.

On Long-Distance Marriage (so far):
Bryan and I have recently been arguing about how to present our current living situation: Is Bryan living in DC but commuting to Chapel Hill for class OR living in Chapel Hill but commuting to DC for the weekends. It’s tricky. 

There was a breakdown last night. I called Bryan to describe my experience visiting a DC small group for the first time. The people welcomed me and smiled and shared their stories, but I was also asked to make conversation and share my situation and life story. Afterward I felt tired and overwhelmed and unsure what these new peoples’ assumptions about me showing up without my husband were.

Bryan interrupted my running narrative to correct my story: “Did you tell them I’m actually living in DC?”

And, I lost it. Just clammed up, couldn’t handle talking to Bryan. Thus, instant communication breakdown for the whole evening.

I’ve recognized that reconciliation is much simpler when I’m face-to-face with Bryan. I see his sadness/anger, and feel the heat of his silence throughout an evening. I’m thinking about when and where and how to apologize so we can spend those precious few moments before sleep chatting peaceably.

I’ll openly admit that distance is helpful in quieting my temper, soothing hurt feelings, and bringing some sanity into my dense brain. But that “helpful distance” has always been more along the lines of a walk around the neighborhood, a shower, or a trip to the grocery store. Weeks apart kind of distance? Not so helpful. 

In more uplifting news: I appreciate NEW things about Bryan. Namely, his consistent support and encouragement of me; his excitement for DC (and for me exploring DC); his patience in listening to my [ugly] rants; his eagerness to make the first move toward forgiveness; and his tenacity to be efficient in school work.  

On Having a “Class”:
I teach the sweetest kiddos. No, I’m serious. I want to snuggle with each of these children. They’re polite, well-dressed, funny, smart, sweet, and so thoughtful. Watching their faces when they have something to say but are trying so so so so hard to follow the hand-raising rule is my favorite. Then there’s their innocent, unabashed, earnest gazes. My heart.

Sometimes I forget I’m actually supposed to be teaching them. We can’t play pretend all day …?

On this WEATHER.
No.

The extreme humidity means no running happened this week. Oops.

Yoga, though? I’ve joined a small studio below my apartment.

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “On a Few Things.

  1. Oh, friend. My heart hurts for you with this distance. I know from dating how challenging that is, and I can imagine it’s even more difficult in marriage. I love your honesty and vulnerability; you have been so brave in telling your story to new friends in DC. Soon it will seem second nature, but I know now it is so tough. Lots of love and incessant prayer coming from the Midwest for you <3

  2. Hilary

    I’m encouraged by you sharing this…I know better now how to pray for you. communication is hard even when you see each other daily so I can’t imagine the phone all week- I bet you’ll be experts by the time Bryan gets to DC.

    I guess a ill just love to DC and be your co teacher then there will be no one there to tell us we can’t play pretend ALL. DAY.

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