I’ve felt reflective these past few days. I’m usually thinking about when Bryan will be up here. He finishes his final exam this Thursday and then he’s done Done DONE. So I’m wondering if this sensitivity comes from being “lonely.” From coming home to an empty apartment and having no one to dissect the day with. I’m reading a book that asks what it is we glean from communication with another person – is it simply companionship? Or is it more? Is it sanity? I’m not sure there’s a clean answer, but the reality is that life is better lived in fellowship than in solitude.
I am marking today as the last day I am “alone” in DC.
And I am excited.
I am ready for my evenings to be filled with the purpose of serving someone else beyond my selfish desires. I am ready to be filled with in-person discussions, with touch, with synchronized schedules.
But, I’m also apprehensive.
I was sharing last night at small group how the transition to having a full-time person here during the week day will be quite an adjustment. My salad and ice cream dinners will likely cease (or will at least enter the realm of endangered species). I will be forced to become more thoughtful about weeknight plans, about cleaning, and doing work in time to enjoy the evening with Bryan. I also know our weekends will be less spontaneously delighted to be together and likely more routine. The distance inputed by text messages, emails, and phone calls provided a sort of buffer from frustration and anger. Bryan and I are efficient, non-jealous, non-anxious communicators. In-person discussions often seem to provide greater hurdles – or at least their own hurdles.
There are many things to celebrate and anticipate this week! In the meantime, I am just an emotional wreck, ready to not be alone when I come home after a long day feeling like I’m useless, not liked, and perhaps thoughtless (the lingering effects from our NYC trip with 8 other people (!)).
Until tomorrow when my better half is finally here!